Big Lager Lies

Are you fucking kidding me??…

Eric the Vampire was Ziggy’s Dad???!!!…

And Lenny Kravitz’s daughter killed him??!!!…

…

Sorry, I’m too busy screaming out loud at the TV at this season finale. Holy shit. I’m so flabbergasted that I put the name Lager in the title and I’m drinking an Ale, unreal. 

I know I’m late to the party on this but wowwy wow, what an amazing seven episodes. 

HBO, I would like to kiss you right on the mouth. 

“Ever watch Sunday night programming on HBO, it’s spectacular!”

Yes Paul Rudd, you’re absolutely correct. Fuck, watch this right now.

Right. Now. 

And drink a beer to because we all know it makes everything better. 

Better. 

Pale Ales are like Movie Sequels…

…they mostly suck. 

Suck may be a strong word but there are a bevy of subjective synonyms. Currently watching Independence Day: Resurgence, while “enjoying” a Calvert Brewing Good Company Pale Ale, and it struck me. Sequels are never as good as the original. I’ll only give one real sequel a shot and I’ll give you one clue…

…

But for the most part, pale ales, simply pale in comparison to other beer styles. Get it?? For me, the IPA is Caddyshack and most other PA’s or APA’s are…Caddyshack 2. I hate for this particular Pale to get caught in the crossfire because it really isn’t terrible and actually, like the movie, got way better towards the end but my point stands…

I’m not mad at you Pale Ales, I’m just disappointed. 

And better late then never…

#IPMAY is here. 

#IPApril

A wise man once said, “If something doesn’t work, say fuck it and come up with something else.”

Or something like that. 

#maniamarch is over and done with and maybe I only did eleven out of thirty two, but it’s my blog and I can kind of do what I want so the kibosh was put on. I will still enjoy the hell out of WrestleMania 33 tonight and put down some beers with my lovely lady. 

Another month means another hashtag and more beer. My affinity for India Pale Ales has been well documented, so it just seemed to fit (that’s what she said) that this month is now #IPApril. I focused on the double IPA back in December with the epic battle that was #dipadecember with Treehouse “Haze” coming out on top, but this April is open to any and all comers. Be it a single, double, American (gross), Imperial, black, single hop (not a fan), or the rare but always delicious triple IPA, this will be one for the ages and I’m thirsty already. 

What are your favorite IPA’s?? 

Let me hear it!!
…and for all the ‘Merica people that might have been offended with gross by America, stop it. It’s the American IPA that’s gross. Use your head. 

I’m a masochist.

Kind of. 

I’m about to re embark on an 1,100 page journey that is…

Well maybe not that exact IT but I’m sure you’re picking up what I’m putting down. 

I was doing adult things and listening to a podcast in which a gentleman reads every Stephen King book in chronological order and does a weekly review. After his three part IT review, I got all the feels and knew I had to read IT again. The book IT, not the lovely two letter pronoun, they’ve been getting confused for years. Wouldn’t that suck?!, to be a lovely little pronoun and always have people think you’re a maniacal killer clown that eats children, but I digress. 

I can be a bit lackadaisical in my reading but I have set an end date and that is that. How’d I come up with this end date???

Beer, of course. 

Doesn’t beer solve every problem??

Power Couple.

Adulting AF. 

May the 4th be with you. And also with you.

The fourth installment of WrestleMania was my first real memory of this grand event as a kid. Yea I’m old, 34 if you’re counting at home, and fell in love with this great sport at the ripe age of five. I was intrigued from the beginning and who would’ve thunk that thirty years later I’d be on my 909th unique beer, while rewatching the spectacle I fell in love with. 

Enough of memory fucking lane, let’s get to the mission at hand…beer. 

Sam Adams will always hold a special place for me and my yankee roots. (Yankee as in from the north, not the shitty New York variety, that’s gross.) The recent Rebel IPA series has been magical for my taste buds is when a new “Pack of Rebels” was released I was enchanted. Pairing with the single elimination tournament for the World Wrestling Federation Championship is Rebel Grapefruit IPA. Fruit in ales such as this can be disastrous and some have straight up crashed and burned…

*cough* New Belgium Citradelic *cough*

But this was a tasty, and welcomed, exception to the rule. The low IBU’s and 6.3 ABV and the perfect amount of grapefruit, make this a solid summertime go to, or in my case an any day go to. 

The stage was set and the tournament was at its end and only Randy “Macho Man” Savage and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase were left. Not Hulk Hogan. Crazy right. Dibiase’s bodyguard Andre the Giant was the enforcer on the outside and the coup was on. Wait a minute?!!?! Not so fast Andre because Hulk Hogan has now evened up the playing field and we’re all square as they say. Macho Man has now turned the tide momentarily but after more outside antics from Andre, Dibiase has locked in the dreaded sleeper hold but wait…

The ref is distracted…

Hogan is in. Hogan has a chair!!! Hogan has a chair!!! The chair connects with the back of DiBiase and the crowd explodes!! Savage goes up and hits the top rope elbow and 1…2…3!!! Savage went through four men to capture his first WWF Championship. 

Not to be outdone, the very next year was held at the same venue but in a daring, shocking, and honestly a flabbergasting turn of events…

                                                          Nope. Even more flabbergasting. 

                                                                           Spoiler Alert:

                    Hulk Hogan vs Macho Man Randy Savage: The Mega Powers explode!!

Give me the Red Light.

I might have a few beers in me, and if you want to be specific they’re as follows:

• Stone IPA 
• Stillwater Superhop
• Shock Top Ruby Fresh
• Sierra Nevada Tropical Torpedo
• Rebel White Citra IPA
• Rebel Juiced IPA
• Voodoo Ranger 8 Hop Pale Ale

But the new Lorde song is terrible. 

Phew, just had to get that out there. 

3 venues, 2 wrestlers, 1 IPA

This ones going to be a deucey, get it?! 

(Elbows Elbows)

Deuce is two, meaning the second WrestleMania, meaning I used the expression doozy, mea- well you know what I mean…

Right?

Anyway this WrestleMania might’ve been even more historic then the first, as it was held in three different cities, each with a different line up of wrestlers, all airing at the same time!! 

                                                                Yes John, nuts isn’t it??

Hulk Hogan reprieves his role as the baby face in the main event against King Kong Bundy in a STEEEEEL CAGE MATCH!! Some said that Hogan was done and he was a dead man walking, which leads me to the wonderfully delicious brewski(s) I’m about to drink to my face. Walking Dead Blood Orange IPA by Terrapin Beer Co is a delightfully flavorful beer at 7.7% ABV. I can go either way on blood orange brews, as I had the 2016 version in a bomber, and was underwhelmed. I’m a sucker for beer in cans, so when they just recently canned it, I was intrigued and thought to myself, “Maybe 2017 will be better.” Luckily for me Terrapin came through and was a great accompaniment to this match up. 

Fucking Elvira is filling in on announcing duties, Ricky Schroeder is the guest time keeper, and Tommy Lasorda came out to MC the whole goddamned thing, you can’t make this shit up. It’s wrestling and I wouldn’t want it any other way. 
                                        If you had these three in your office pool, congrats. 

Hogan (with ribs heavily taped) looks simply outmatched to the ginormous Bundy as the only way to win is to escape the cage and both feet hit the floor. Attempted clothesline, Hulk ducks underneath, Hogan changes course and Bundy is thrown into the reinforced cage, and Bundy is busted open!! Bundy is busted open!! Hogan goes for the body slam but to no avail as the weight of Bundy is just too much. Hulk seems to be a sitting duck and about to lose his championship and…

Wait a minute, he got up??

He’s not feeling any pain?? 

Oh my god I can’t believe it, Hogan is back up. He hurls Bundy into the ropes and…

No fucking way…

BODYSLAM!!! BODYSLAM!! Bundy is down and then the ever powerful leg drop!!

A handful of tights and a weasel of a manager Bobby Heenan can’t stop the immortal one from capturing another victory. WrestleMania Deuce is in the books to match the two beers I just inhaled. What will WrestleMania 3 have to offer?? 

One hint: Nerdy wrestling terms and of course, more beer. 

#maniamarch

If it hasn’t been established yet then let it be known around the land:

Beer ye, Beer ye,

I doth proclaim my forbidden love with professional wrestling. I will watch every main event match for the corresponding fortnights that thus conclude currently at thirty two. I will also drink a pint of ale with every bout. 

Sincerely,

Beer-enity Now!

*Aka I’m watching every Wrestlemania main event there has been, in order, while drinking beer and writing some running commentary. 

Fun right??!!

What you gunna do when beer enity now tries to be funny while buzzed, runs wild on you…

brother.