Swimming with Horses.

This is shocking, especially to me, but I have never blogged hungover. The whole idea is weird to me as I’m thinking about beer while I don’t want to, but I also love beer and it is pretty much always on my mind. 

This should be interesting…

The sharks were circling their prey, going in for the kill, and for their efforts they got a horseshoe right to the dome piece. This might’ve been the closest battle yet but good luck came through, and it was Lakefront Brewing Hop Jockey crossing the finish line by a hop. I’m doing my best to put in the word “hop” for just about everything if you haven’t noticed, I need like a hop thesaurus…am I right?? Or is it a synonym?? 

Anyway, the shark in question…

No, not one of those sharks (Insert laughter here). The actual shark was Ballast Point Dorado. I was a little nervous going in due to the somewhat boozy nature of the Watermelon Dorado, but I was pleasantly surprised. Oh yeah, I just have to say this, double digit DIPA in the hoooouuussse, ok sorry it’s out of my system. In a weird way I like to describe it as hops galore but with something delicious to hide. 

Peek A Boo…

The jockeys of hops is weirdly like Watermelon Dorado but at the same time, not at is apparently the post that makes no sense so bare with me, it will hopefully be worth it. If I can say boldly I would ride this fucking horse any day of the week and I would name it Citra Central…done. (Citra is a Hop)

Needless to say this was a battle for the ages, and in the end was smooth as Carlos Santana but I need to concentrate on Westworld because this show is fucking confusing. 

Here’s some summer reading…

Double Stone on the Prairie…

A bad ass gargoyle against a fat little kid with a backwards hat seems like an unfair match up, right? In the real world that would be a resounding “Yes”, but this is the not so average  world so rules do not apply… but in this case they actually do, but for different reasons all together.

Confused yet?!? Let me introduce the combatants…

Hailing from Escondido, California and weighing in at 8.5 ABV, is the somewhat beer snobby mantra of Stone Ruination 2.0. This gargoyle keeps evil spirits away but sure doesn’t take away flavor as the dry hopping and hop bursting brings out the glorious hoppy goodness. With Stone being a tough act to follow, Prairie really had to come in hops blazing but the (gär’goil) had other plans…

Artisan wasn’t going to take this lightly and coming from the good ole’ state of Oklahoma, they fought double for double. *Record Scratch* (Click this and it will all make sense.)

I’m not going to sit here and lie to you, this wasn’t even fucking close. I had such high hopes for Phantasmagoria especially with the artwork (I’m a sucker for good artwork/packaging) but the flippy flavors (yes, flippy flavors) just ended up being like Pine Sol. Pine Sol might be a bit harsh but a wise man once said “will all due respect”

And I’m sticking to it. This battle to the death was one sided but for the most part delicious, and I’ll take that all day and everyday. 

Back to the mischievous gargoyle happenings, it’s all just like pages in a book. (Or just an app I’m still trying to figure out… It still counts.) See you in Round 3…

Boom…Thwack…

Right from the pages of an app made comic from someone who really isnt into comics, is the first action packed edition of #dipadecember. 

The two combatants are just a hop (get it??) skip and a jump away from a battle for the ages. Needless to say, I had to intervene in the proceedings, and drink them both before a complete cataclysmic event…

(side thought: Cataclysmic might just be the coolest word in the English language.)

Before I knew it, the hops were flying and there was malt and shrapnel everywhere. Three Taverns “Hoplicity” came out with gusto and its smooth as shit malt flavor, and stumbled back “Slippery Slope”. A strong citrus hop character from Slope brought ‘Plicity to its knees…

                                                       

We got two words for ya…

Literally two words and two is actually one of the words!

(Drum roll)

Two Claw. 

Also another two words or more specifically, one word and an initialism…

Rye IPA. 

I’m currently enjoying Westbrook Two Claw. 

#ryeipagamestrong

Keeping with the theme I have two more words for ya…

THE GOAT 🐐 

Would You like Ice, Your Majesty?

If it’s this ice, I’m going to assume no but can’t hurt to ask right? 

The 70’s are almost upon us and technology is taking over, as the Bond theme has gotten a wee bit digital. The unmistakable guitar cue has now been replaced by a tinny sounding synth that is less to be desired. John Barry is still a genius so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt as I’m sure he’s just going with the times.  

*water fight alert* Just picture something like this…

This film introduces the younger, and I will say less hairy Bond, George Lazenby. This could be the most in Bond like name in the history of Bond like names but he hasn’t had an awkward kiss to speak of. Speaking of kisses, he just kissed Ms. Moneypenny!! I’ve been routing for her since “Dr.No” but I think this will be short lived. This Bond so far, doesn’t have the same way with the ladies as Connery did but maybe it’s because he wears shirts like this…

You think I’m kidding??

Boom 💥 goes the dynamite!! 

My movie companion or “Bud”, if I may be so bold…

(So many fucking points to you if you get the previous movie statement and/or the capital G! Gif above.)

…is Bud Ice. Not just any can of Bud Ice but a glass 40 oz bottle, and don’t you worry, a slight amount was poured out for my homies. Coming in at 5.5%, it is the usual ice flavor which in beer language means no fucking flavor to speak of. I will take no taste over bad taste any day of the week but I want to know I’m drinking beer, my only indication is the buzzed sensation I am currently experiencing. 

Bud Ice or no, there was a slight tell to the Bond before as the first actual line, after the water fight of course, was “This never happened to the other fellow.” I enjoyed this immensely even though for the most part, this was a somewhat watered down Bond, but there was Curling so how much can I actually complain. Also how many have a bobsled fight, a fucking bobsled fight?!

Donald Pleasence > Telly Savalas

For the first time in the series, and I’m a 1/4 of the way through, there is actually ice in the movie!!! Leave it to the one that has “ice” in the title, for it to be the one that shows ice for the first time. Ironic?! Maybe not as ironic as this though… 

In better and non ironic news is that the guitar theme is back and my beer is gone. An ice for an ice, I will take the service 10 times out of 10, even though this transitional Bond film was underwhelming and waaaaay to long for what it was.

Edit: I just watched James Bond get married and within minutes have her killed off. It’s about to get good folks. Cue Mr. Connery. 
This is a Beer-enity Now PSA announcement:

Drinking tasteless beer too early in the day along with an ever so healthy meal of Mac & Cheese and Hot Dogs may lead to drowsiness and extreme cuteness with a canine. 

*in rare cases take out your camera if the moment of cuteness lasts more than 4 minutes. 



From Busch with Love…

It’s that time again folks, another Bond means another “brewed ice cold for smoothness” bullshit beer. Tonight is the ever “smooth” and I use those quotes for sarcastic effect, Busch Ice. I figure I’ll get out all the Ice ones out of the way, it’s only uphill from here but for the moment I’ll be…

Not what I was going to say Arnold but I’ll take it from hurr (say in Nelly accent). 25 minutes in and another following from the airport and a slew of pretty suave pick up lines by Mr.Bond. The Frau Farbissina character has made her appearance ,aka #3, with might I say some pretty horrific voiceover work, but it beats a Bruce Lee movie. 

I’m going out on a very guessing limb here but this Busch Ice might be the best of the lot, as far as Ice beers can fair, but nevertheless I’m not complaining. This may be 1963 talking but I’m using “back to the salt mines” as code for sex from now on. Gypsy fights and a weird reference to a painting “having a pretty mouth”, this cinematic adventure is pretty on point, still keeping with the red paint blood theme. Being a novice to the extreme cheap beer category I have realized one thing, it tastes like nothing. Fuck the notion of its ice cold brewed to be smooth because what I’m picturing is a vat full of beer with an ice cube hanging above.

International man of mystery aside, James really leaves his fingerprints everywhere and I mean everywhere. I mean for all the semen this guy probably leaves behind CSI would have a field day and it wouldn’t matter in the long run because his crime clean up is sub par at best. Shame on you Sean Connery. As much as I’ve had 50 oz of bad beer, it can’t equal the crazy bad death acting of these people. I’m going to also say right now that the kiss quality of Mr. Bond is about as akward as a 16 year old practicing on one of their relatives. I will give no apologies for this statement. 

In conclusion and as the Bond films do, this is…

…But not quite the end as I move on to Natty Ice in Goldmember. 

Shit I mean Goldfinger. 

The World is Not Enough…but Beer just might be.

Guess who’s back…

Back again… 

Beerenity N- well you get the point. 

Yes, it’s been way too long and I’m ready to get back on the horse. I’ve obviously been still drinking craft deliciousness, don’t you fret, but just haven’t been inspired to write about it. Maybe it’s because I become intoxicated and forget, but I’ll just say inspired for sake of argument. I think I’ve made it quite clear that I am in no way a beer snob and love me some cheap shit , I’m talking Wal Mart special, nine dollars for twenty four beers, cheap shit. (Rockdale Light, look it up) 

With no segue at all, this brings me to my kooky idea that brought me back to this blog. With the obvious smattering of “not so average” beer pairings and other randomness, I have devised a weekly or sometimes daily post of two of my favorite things. Cheap beer and…

Movies, James Bond movies of course because why the fuck not. A couple years ago I impulse bought the Bond 50: Celebrating Five Decades of OO7. $150 and two years later, I’ve watched about two of them and while watching “I Love You, Man”, I remembered that I had them and came up with an idea that made absolutely no sense. I’ll watch these OO7 movies in order while enjoying the most bottom of the barrel beers I can find and write about them. I will also do my best to come up with some of the greatest cheap beer/James bond movies puns you have ever heard, even if that’s not a real thing, it will be. Most will be shit I’ve already enjoyed , only to enjoy again, but some will be some I would never get in a million years. I will be breaking my “no beers that end in ice” rule as seen in one of my past posts, but I will persevere and put my  potential headaches aside to have a different cheap beer for every movie. 
Let’s do this…

I would do anything for beer, but I won’t do…

…that. 

Shut the front door…

I fucking found it!!!
It = Pennywise, an evil clown that eats children. 
Also “It” is the Fat Tire Collabeeration Pack. This is the most accurate representation of my face.