Diamonds and Ale.

Just when i think he’s out, they pull him back in. I mean it this time, this is the last Bond movie for Sean Connery…ok 99.9% sure. This salt and pepper motherfucker is ready for action one more time and we’ll see if his age shows. Without saying, even though I’m literally about to now, the score is top notch with amazing vocals by Shirley Bassey.

(not Shirley Bassey)

Moving on to the beer at hand is void of any ice but still for the most part, devoid of any flavor. Making beer for college kids and homeless people alike is the ever infamous Genesee Brewery. I’m not going to lie to you and say i’ve never bought this beer for pleasure, i have.  When I lived alone, how was I supposed to pass up $12 for a 30 rack?!?! Craft beer schmaft beer, that is a fucking bargain.  This one in particular has alluded me so I thought it would be the perfect choice for #beersandbond.  Genesee Cream Ale really scared the shit out of me but it wasn’t half bad, considering the bar is at its lowest.

This just in and to interrupt this bad beer drinking is there is a woman character called Plenty O’Toole, I repeat, Plenty O’Toole. To sweeten the pot they just had an African American woman turn into a gorilla?!?! You can’t make this shit up and apparently in 1971, this wasn’t a big deal. Oh the 70’s…

Not sure if I’m taking it the right way but it looks like they’re trying to say that moon launch was staged?! I’ll take it for what its worth but the 70’s Bond is already riding around in a fake space vehicle in the Nevada desert, so who the hell knows what’s to come.

70’s villains are weird man, and weird as in two awkward characters who tend to hold hands and might be homosexual…

Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are two recluse like looking fellows who are as smooth as silk in their villainous ways. From an exploding plane to a scorpion down someone’s back, these foes look to be too great for Mr. Bond. Great is not a word i would use in this review for Genesee so i’ll use it while i can. In another word, that is has now been used twice in different situations in the series, is pussy.

A different type of Bond film but a fitting end to the aging superstar. This is for sure Top 3, and I could probably say the same for the bad beers ive had as well. Diamonds are apparently forever and hopefully for me, my hangover won’t be.

 

 

I love Gold!! But not Natty Ice…

I don’t know if it’s just me or does every time you say Natty Light, people assume that you mean Natty Ice?? I’ll be the first to correct someone but tonight they are right on the money I’m afraid. On the bright side before the opening credits a dude already got electrocuted in a tub ,after more akward kissing with a double crossing dame. As a music nerd I have to say that the composer, John Barry, who wrote these theme songs is a pure genius. Respect…

They just said OO8 and it sounded so awkward, which distracted me from this ice bath I’m drinking. Natty Ice is just what you would expect, imagine Natty Light with ice in it and voila, you have the ugly stepsister of the Natty family. The weird thing is that this beer, dare I say, isn’t completely horrific but it just doesn’t taste like anything. They could really really grow their market by selling…

“Natty Seltzer Water” or something like…

“Natty Diet Seltzer Water”- It really isn’t beer, I promise- I mean who would drink beer like this. Am I right?!?!

Pussy Galore just came into the fray and apparently she’s a great pilot, who knew. With this new knowledge and maybe the most in your face pun character name in cinematic history, I am going for a bonus beer!!!??!!

Yes, the self proclaimed king is here, Bud Heavy, and he’s ready for a good time. Don’t judge but this is pretty much because this is the only other beer I have in the house and I drank Icehouse two nights ago so as weird as it sounds, it’s an upgrade. In a completely unrelated story, I was in California on tour and ordered a Bud Heavy and after being looked at like I had nine heads, I realized that is a simply regional phrase. (Northeast stand up!). 

With the first trilogy of these Bond films over I have some fortunate and some unfortunate news. The good news is that I have tens upon tens of Bond films left but that means more bottom of the barrel beer to stomach.  Never did I think I would be seeking out gas station beer but trying to find so many more is a challenge and you know how I deal with challenges…

From Icehouse to Rockdale Light these beers will be the back drop of the international man of mystery for many movies to come and this is only the beginning. More on the unfortunate front, not really for me, is that if you just hit Mr. Bond in the back, your golden, he just wilts but he survives. I can only hope my liver will as well. Until next time…

Same Bat Time…

Same Bat Chan- shit, wrong 60’s reference. It’s the ice talking. 

The name is House, Ice House.

It hasn’t even been twenty minutes and he’s fucked a stranger, been followed by a man with womens sunglasses and beat up his chauffeur, I’ll take it. I do have to say Blu Ray is fucking unbelievable in this context and really restores these older movies well, which helps because this beer is dreadful. (Update: having drank 20 oz with no food, seems to taste like nothing at all now). 

Icehouse (1.5/5 Untappd) is apparently “brewed below freezing” to deliver a “bold, never watered down taste”, excuse me I…

almost got that out with a straight face. Not watered down?!? The word “Ice” is in the title, hence ice being water, melting ice equals undrinkable. It’s a thing really, I hate ice in anything so this just proves my theory of ice kills anything good. In the grand scheme of things I know there are worse beers out there, which may be coming up, but this James Bond is a cool cat. He’s in Jamaica to find John Strangways which totally reminds me of  the album “Strangeways Here We Come” by the Smiths so that’s def points on my end. 

Line of the movie so far is:

Blond Haired Dame: “How could you eat at a time like this?

BAMF James Bond: “Because I’m Hungry!”

After a 40 oz plastic bottle, yes I said plastic, and certain headache to follow I see the Austin Powers story for sure. One weird side note is that Sean Connery is always sweating, always. I don’t know if that’s by design or not but you can’t miss it. Maybe it’s his glistening of genius, who knows. 

Well the movie is over and the dreaded beer is gone. 1 down and 23 to go and it wasn’t as terrible as I first thought it might be. I say this now with more bottom of the barrel beers to go, but I have a good feeling about this. Until next time Sean…

PS: the blood stains are totally just red paint. They also used red paint in the movie so not sure if they knew it was bogus and just ran with it. We’ll never know…

Mannequin Challenge is stupid…

but hey, when you’re home alone and you’re about to try to stomach an ice cold Icehouse (that seems redundant with ice in the title) you do it. Black and White is for effect because the movie is old, see what I did there?

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Dr. No here I come…

The World is Not Enough…but Beer just might be.

Guess who’s back…

Back again… 

Beerenity N- well you get the point. 

Yes, it’s been way too long and I’m ready to get back on the horse. I’ve obviously been still drinking craft deliciousness, don’t you fret, but just haven’t been inspired to write about it. Maybe it’s because I become intoxicated and forget, but I’ll just say inspired for sake of argument. I think I’ve made it quite clear that I am in no way a beer snob and love me some cheap shit , I’m talking Wal Mart special, nine dollars for twenty four beers, cheap shit. (Rockdale Light, look it up) 

With no segue at all, this brings me to my kooky idea that brought me back to this blog. With the obvious smattering of “not so average” beer pairings and other randomness, I have devised a weekly or sometimes daily post of two of my favorite things. Cheap beer and…

Movies, James Bond movies of course because why the fuck not. A couple years ago I impulse bought the Bond 50: Celebrating Five Decades of OO7. $150 and two years later, I’ve watched about two of them and while watching “I Love You, Man”, I remembered that I had them and came up with an idea that made absolutely no sense. I’ll watch these OO7 movies in order while enjoying the most bottom of the barrel beers I can find and write about them. I will also do my best to come up with some of the greatest cheap beer/James bond movies puns you have ever heard, even if that’s not a real thing, it will be. Most will be shit I’ve already enjoyed , only to enjoy again, but some will be some I would never get in a million years. I will be breaking my “no beers that end in ice” rule as seen in one of my past posts, but I will persevere and put my  potential headaches aside to have a different cheap beer for every movie. 
Let’s do this…

I hate soccer.

No witty title name, just genuine dislike for this sport. I guess hate is a strong word but (I really, really, really don’t like it). 

Luckily I have some delicious Rolling Rocks, yes I said Rolling Rocks, to ease the brutal mess of these sallies rolling around on the ground for 90 minutes. 

My kind of #sundayfunday

A not so average beer blog would suggest a not so average person writing it. Well…

I am. (Genius commercial, I’m a sucker for great marketing.) 

Now that we have that settled that I’m going to let you in on an exclusive look into my extremely enjoyable #sundayfunday, if that’s what the youngsters are calling it now. 

I don’t know if you’re ready? It’s pretty intense…

Ok, fine you pulled my arm…