Introducing the best fucking Pale Ale ever.
Like. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.
“Glorious”
by: CFO$
No, I won’t give in
I wont give in
’till i’m victorious
And I will defend
I will defend
Glorious
No, I won’t give in
I wont give in
’till i’m victorious
and I will defend
I will defend
And I’ll do what I must
No, I won’t give in
I wont give in
Oh, so glorious
Until the end
Until the end
I’ve been known to break from tradition a time or two, and this is sure one of those times. WrestleMania X was at its original location in New York City buuuuut repeated the same main event from the year prior. I refuse to have to review another Yokozuna match so I picked the real main event of this sub par card with good reason. For the first time in history, a ladder match was displayed and just as Paul Rudd did in Halloween 6, they stole the show.
Keeping with history, I’m currently enjoying my first DIPA from Trillium Brewing Company. This one holds another sweet spot for me as they hail from my home state of Massachusetts. My good friends Kyle & Mike sent me this gem to cure my homesickness (totally a word) and I can’t thank them enough. Dialed in (with chardonnay and gewürztraminer juice) is glorious in its execution, even though I couldn’t tell you what the fuck gewürztraminer juice is. This 8.5% beauty is smooth as can be and with just the right amount of hoppy goodness.
…and now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Diesel, the muscle for Shawn Michaels, has just been thrown out as his alleged interference was too much for the referee. With the sides even now, Razor Ramon takes matters into his own hands and reveals the concrete floor with dastardly intentions. As per usual in wrestling this would be used against him as he’s thrown over the top rope with a sickening thud. The ladder is now in play as Michaels climbs to the top, but Razor is stirring and in desperation he exposes the buttocks of Michaels to get him down.
(You know you laughed at “buttocks”, always a good laugh.)
Anything is legal in this matchup as Hickenbottom (oops. Fun fact is that Shawn Michaels real name is Michael Hickenbottom) is using the ladder as a weapon and pummeling the back of Ramon. Razor then returns the favor with a slingshot that sends Michaels face first in the ladder. This match was historic due to the non violence aka PG version of wrestling at the time and this showed a shift in the industry. The battle for the undisputed Intercontinental Championship was on as both men were battling from the top of the ladder, resulting in Michaels being hip tossed from the top!!! Ooooh the humanity!! The innovation of Shawn was showcased beautifully as the ladder was used in every situation possible.
Michaels goes up, Razor is stirring and shoulder checks the ladder and the heartbreak kid gets tangled in the ropes. The chance is there!!! Razor goes up as Michaels untangles himself only to get his arm ensconced in the ropes. Razor is up, Razor is at the top of the ladder, Razor gets the belts!!! Aaaannnnddd NEEEEWWW Undisputed Intercontinental Champion!!!!
History has been made in more ways than one and I’m still thirsty.
It is Sunday Funday. What’s better than beer and wrestling?…
Beer and more beer of course. What are you drinking today?
Spoiler Alert: I’m drinking a Bud Light Lime (of the A-Rita variety). Yep, it’s fucking Peach and I’m somewhat ok with it.
There is a method to my madness though, I promise you.
WrestleMania 7 was a prickly one. The original venue in Los Angeles was moved for reasons unknown into a smaller venue. I’m just going to guess it’s because the line up sucked. Wrestling nerdery aside, it sucked. The main event was lackluster at best, once again pitting…guess who…
Nothing?…
Come on. You know who…
Yeah, Hulk Hogan shows up again– for the 6th year– against Sergeant Slaughter, you know of G.I Joe fame. He came in as WWF Champion. The controversy here was that Slaughter was an Iraqi sympathizer and turned his back on America and America didn’t really appreciate that. Completely off subject: I just had to mention that Alex Trebek is the ring announcer and Regis Philbin is doing color commentary. WrestleMania 7 in a nutshell but first, here is Austin Powers in a nutshell…
The U.S.A laden Hulk Hogan promised justice and a new WWF Championship reign. Will he be a man of his word?…
????….
Now the Peach A Rita all makes sense right??!! Shitty main event means a shitty beer/malt beverage thingamajig. Not much to say but it’s a heavily carbonated, slightly Peach flavored, very interesting tasting liquid. That’s my review and I’m sticking to it.
Momentum is swinging in many directions as USA chants are deafening. I feel like the only equivalent to this match would be pitting Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump (who is actually sitting front row in the audience) but maybe that’s just me. Not a wrestling clinic by any means, the usual atomic drops, clotheslines, and 10 count punches were in full effect. General Adnan (you can’t make this shit up) was a huge distraction on the outside while Hogan went to the top rope but was knocked off by the opposing Slaughter…
No Slaughter of the 80’s, not you. The actual Slaughter used a steel chair and Hogan is busted open!!! Hogan is busted open!!! The Iraqi flag is in play and Hogan is doing his classic no sell. It’s only a matter of time now as the crimson mask flows down the face of the challenger and just like that it’s…
Big Boot…Leg Drop…
1…2…3!!
Hogan is once again the WWF Champion for the 10,000th time. Will he headline his 7th WrestleMania???
WrestleMania 6, that is… or WrestleMania VI if you’re fancy.
The Mega Powers exploding was one thing but this…
Was…
Big!!!
Monumental!!!
Only a main event that WrestleMania could bring.
Hogan, for the umpteenth time, is reprising his role in the main event but not to be outdone is the Ultimate Warrior!! Not only was this the first time two baby faces were pitted against each other but both the Intercontinental AND the WWF Championship were on the line. Yep, you guessed it…
TITLE FOR TITLE!!!
Also for the first time, the event was held north of the border in Toronto. In hindsight, I probably should’ve picked a Canadian beer to drink, but that would just make too much sense now wouldn’t it? Sierra Nevada Pale Ale was my first real soirée into the craft world back in the day, so I hold a somewhat special place in my heart for this one. My only gripe is that there isn’t the word “India” before Pale Ale because I love me some IPA’s. It’s the dot that makes it hot. I need to set the record straight here: Pale Ales are absolutely not India Pale Ales. I feel like this point gets lost, but for realzy, they’re not the same.
Moving on to the championship duel at hand, they start out with some shoves on both sides of the coin, and gaining position is crucial. After trading bodyslams, the warrior gets the upper hand…
And it looks like Hogan is injured!! Hogan really favoring his knee but the Ultimate Warrior isn’t shedding any tears. (And Warriors make up is just about sweated off…)
Sweated?? This doesn’t sound right but I’m riding this wave home.
Hulk trying to wear out the Warrior is easier said than done and what??!!…
Warrior is impervious to blows, one punch…two punches…the Warrior feels nothing!! Hogan, believe it or not, is begging for mercy and the Warrior isn’t obliging. On another note, this Sierra Nevada is pretty tasty, I’ve lost some faith in the recent years with their new options, but this is always a go to in my book. The bear hug is on and the count to three… WILL NOT HAPPEN!! Hulk on the offensive, Warrior ducks and the referee is down folks!!! The shit has hit the proverbial fan as they say and in the great words of Gorilla Monsoon, “these guys are pulling out all the stops.” Warrior tries to finish him with the press slam but no dice as Hogan is fucking hulking up, AGAIN, but wait— He missed the leg drop??!! Warrior goes off the ropes with a big splash and 1..2..3!!! The 6 (Drake Toronto speak) is going bananas while a new WWF Champion is crowned.
This was a supposed “passing of the torch” type of match, but that’s another WrestleMania (and another beer) for a later time.
The fourth installment of WrestleMania was my first real memory of this grand event as a kid. Yea I’m old, 34 if you’re counting at home, and fell in love with this great sport at the ripe age of five. I was intrigued from the beginning and who would’ve thunk that thirty years later I’d be on my 909th unique beer, while rewatching the spectacle I fell in love with.
Enough of memory fucking lane, let’s get to the mission at hand…beer.
Sam Adams will always hold a special place for me and my yankee roots. (Yankee as in from the north, not the shitty New York variety, that’s gross.) The recent Rebel IPA series has been magical for my taste buds is when a new “Pack of Rebels” was released I was enchanted. Pairing with the single elimination tournament for the World Wrestling Federation Championship is Rebel Grapefruit IPA. Fruit in ales such as this can be disastrous and some have straight up crashed and burned…
*cough* New Belgium Citradelic *cough*
But this was a tasty, and welcomed, exception to the rule. The low IBU’s and 6.3 ABV and the perfect amount of grapefruit, make this a solid summertime go to, or in my case an any day go to.
The stage was set and the tournament was at its end and only Randy “Macho Man” Savage and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase were left. Not Hulk Hogan. Crazy right. Dibiase’s bodyguard Andre the Giant was the enforcer on the outside and the coup was on. Wait a minute?!!?! Not so fast Andre because Hulk Hogan has now evened up the playing field and we’re all square as they say. Macho Man has now turned the tide momentarily but after more outside antics from Andre, Dibiase has locked in the dreaded sleeper hold but wait…
The ref is distracted…
Hogan is in. Hogan has a chair!!! Hogan has a chair!!! The chair connects with the back of DiBiase and the crowd explodes!! Savage goes up and hits the top rope elbow and 1…2…3!!! Savage went through four men to capture his first WWF Championship.
Not to be outdone, the very next year was held at the same venue but in a daring, shocking, and honestly a flabbergasting turn of events…
Nope. Even more flabbergasting.
Spoiler Alert:
Hulk Hogan vs Macho Man Randy Savage: The Mega Powers explode!!
This ones going to be a deucey, get it?!
(Elbows Elbows)
Deuce is two, meaning the second WrestleMania, meaning I used the expression doozy, mea- well you know what I mean…
Right?
Anyway this WrestleMania might’ve been even more historic then the first, as it was held in three different cities, each with a different line up of wrestlers, all airing at the same time!!
Yes John, nuts isn’t it??
Hulk Hogan reprieves his role as the baby face in the main event against King Kong Bundy in a STEEEEEL CAGE MATCH!! Some said that Hogan was done and he was a dead man walking, which leads me to the wonderfully delicious brewski(s) I’m about to drink to my face. Walking Dead Blood Orange IPA by Terrapin Beer Co is a delightfully flavorful beer at 7.7% ABV. I can go either way on blood orange brews, as I had the 2016 version in a bomber, and was underwhelmed. I’m a sucker for beer in cans, so when they just recently canned it, I was intrigued and thought to myself, “Maybe 2017 will be better.” Luckily for me Terrapin came through and was a great accompaniment to this match up.
Fucking Elvira is filling in on announcing duties, Ricky Schroeder is the guest time keeper, and Tommy Lasorda came out to MC the whole goddamned thing, you can’t make this shit up. It’s wrestling and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
If you had these three in your office pool, congrats.
Hogan (with ribs heavily taped) looks simply outmatched to the ginormous Bundy as the only way to win is to escape the cage and both feet hit the floor. Attempted clothesline, Hulk ducks underneath, Hogan changes course and Bundy is thrown into the reinforced cage, and Bundy is busted open!! Bundy is busted open!! Hogan goes for the body slam but to no avail as the weight of Bundy is just too much. Hulk seems to be a sitting duck and about to lose his championship and…
Wait a minute, he got up??
He’s not feeling any pain??
Oh my god I can’t believe it, Hogan is back up. He hurls Bundy into the ropes and…
No fucking way…
BODYSLAM!!! BODYSLAM!! Bundy is down and then the ever powerful leg drop!!
A handful of tights and a weasel of a manager Bobby Heenan can’t stop the immortal one from capturing another victory. WrestleMania Deuce is in the books to match the two beers I just inhaled. What will WrestleMania 3 have to offer??
One hint: Nerdy wrestling terms and of course, more beer. 
It’s Liberace…
It’s the Radio City Rockettes…
It’s WrestleMania??
You bet your ass it’s WrestleMania!! 1985 was the catalyst for what we know today as the WWE. While very dated and heavy on the cheese, this is where it all started and I couldn’t be drunker, I mean happier, than to witness history again. The stage is set as Hulk Hogan and Mr.T, yes that Mr.T, go up against the team of Rowdy Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. Just picture it in your mind…
Shit. Wrong Mr. Wonderful. I watch way too much Shark Tank.
Interesting that the main event would start with a few trading slaps but that only leads to complete bedlam as all four men are in the ring at the same time!! Prepare for a lot of exclamation points in this post, simply for effect. To sweeten the pot Mohammed Ali is an outside official and is throwing haymakers to restore order. Exciting stuff right?!
It’s only fitting that I’m drinking Heavy Lifting by Boulevard Brewing. This IPA is a body slam to the tastebuds as this west coast take is hops on hops on hops. The 6.2% ABV is quite welcoming, but after a few of these you might feel like you just took a head butt from Jimmy Snuka!!
Wrestling sure has changed as only a few basic moves were needed to achieve greatness.
List of moves:
The Hulk was down but willed his way to a tag to Mr.T and the the proverbial roof came off Madison Square Garden!! A clothesline here and a head butt there to change the momentum and then a fresh Hogan was tagged into finish up the job!! After being in a full nelson, all hell broke loose and Cowboy Bob Orton came off the top rope to use his cast and…
Oh shit!!! He hit Orndorff!! He hit Orndorff!! Hogan with the pin…1…2…3!!!
The heavy lifting is done, pun intended, and the historic inaugural WrestleMania is finished. While 1985 seems like a million years ago, it’s the start of something and that something is #marchmania.
Ooooooh yeeeaahh!! Dig it!!
If it hasn’t been established yet then let it be known around the land:
Beer ye, Beer ye,
I doth proclaim my forbidden love with professional wrestling. I will watch every main event match for the corresponding fortnights that thus conclude currently at thirty two. I will also drink a pint of ale with every bout.
Sincerely,
Beer-enity Now!
*Aka I’m watching every Wrestlemania main event there has been, in order, while drinking beer and writing some running commentary.
Fun right??!!
What you gunna do when beer enity now tries to be funny while buzzed, runs wild on you…
brother.
I’m a wrestling nerd. Simple as that, I’ve loved it since I was 4 with no apologies for it.
30 years later and now with beer as my beverage of choice??!!
If you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya…
ROLLING ROCK!!…
Or maybe ROYAL RUMBLE?!…
Or could be DRINK BEER!!…
Damnit all to hell I’ll figure it out but in the meantime I’m going to elbow drop a beer can.
#sundayfunday
Beer-enity Now! 